The Markmiller 5

The most wonderful time of the year....

Merry Christmas!  I love this time of year.  This year has been a different Christmas season.  We are finally experiencing a little bit of winter weather.  And scarves.  And hats.  And coats.  Can I just say how much I love coats??  I never knew this about myself.  I love coats.

Getting used to mornings that may be only 9 degrees takes some getting used to.  But, with a garage, a car that heats up quickly, and (God bless the designer) heated seats...the ride to school is not too bad. The kids make me laugh though.  They will walk out with just a polo shirt on. No coat, nary even a sweatshirt.  And I warn them.  You need a coat.  You at least need a sweatshirt.  The best part is watching them experience that cold blast of air coming at them from the door.  And the look on their face as they scurry back to their room to grab their coat.  Heh.

The farms are so bleak and beautiful.  I love the dew that settles on the hay in the morning and how it glistens.  It looks almost like it is covered in powdered sugar.  I also love that the horses coats are getting woolly and thick.  The sun also seems to cast longer shadows which make the land come alive in a much richer and vibrant way.  I am really enjoying our first winter here. Sure.  I can complain about the cold, about the drippy noses, about the icy bridges...but somehow, I just am trying to revel in the beauty.  Enjoy the warm coziness of our home.  Dive under mountains of blankets with my children to watch Elf.  Giggle about the coldness of our mingling toes as Michael and I scurry to bed.  

Merry Christmas my friends!  I pray that your families will be blessed beyond measure as we celebrate the birth of our Savior.

Lacking....

I have been so lacking in my posts! Life has been a little crazy this season. So where to begin?

We actually were attacked by piggies in early November.  All three of my little piggies got H1N1.  And survived.  While it wasn't fun- it wasn't as bad as the coverage that is out there.  Thankfully- as a friend from our August DTC group that adopted from China the same time we did, lost her husband to the Swine Flu.  This reminded me how very easily a simple illness turns deadly very fast.

Sammy was the first to fall, Jack second and Katie Mei last.  Sammy and Jack were better for, oh, a day- and Katie Mei then started a fever- and then so did Jack and Sammy.  Again.  Turns out that many children who have H1N1 get a secondary infection at the end.  So, the day Katie got sick, we were at the doctor, with Sammy who had a bad ear infection, Jack with Strep Throat and Katie starting the flu.  All this the weeks before Children of Eden was set to open.

Lots of prayer, bleach, purell and tide later- and finally we all were well. I had the windows wide open in 35 degree weather every day just to air out the germies. 

Children of Eden opened and went smashingly- I will have photos of that soon.  Michael and I were at every show- and Michael took the most AMAZING photos.  I can't wait to share some with you.  Jack was such an AWESOME brother- came to each show- even wanted to be there- and never complained. He is such a great guy.  Sammy and Katie did such a great job.  I can't even explain what it is like to watch your children on stage, loving what they are doing and shining.  I see it so much in Sam.  He has a love for the stage, and all things drama.  It is a joy to watch him grow and blossom.

The bond that this cast and crew shared is something extraordinary.  Such sweet sweet people.  And a director with a heart for God, theater and people that adds up to be something very special.  We have been so blessed to be a part of this production.  It truly changed lives.  Of actors and theater goers alike.  God really was at work.

Don't mind though, that we had so many humorous and a little frightening behind the scenes glitches.  Like the fog machine not working, the tree of knowledge pyrotechnics either fizzling out or in one heart stopping few minutes, possibly spilling out.  And then of course the night a light caught on fire.  Yes.  It was fun.  But, no one got hurt, nothing got damaged, and the cast kept on!  Awesome indeed!

Thanksgiving was amazingly wonderful.  My parents and my sister Amy and her family came out.  We got to spend some fun time together- showing them a little bit of Oklahoma.  Including the American Banjo Museum.  Yes.  It is true.  We had SO MUCH FUN with everyone. Wish they lived closer.  I am secretly praying that my nephew Taylor chooses to go to college here.  I am a great spoiler.  And would spoil him rotten. : )

What is next on our agenda? Well, we are all about Christmas.  We bought a tree, decorated outside and inside....and have been spending a lot of time listening to Christmas music and watching Rudolph.  The kids have all bought gifts for each other this year, with their own money.  I love that!  I cannot wait to see the faces when they watch the others opening the gifts they chose!  So fun.

We are also headed to CA - and onto Tahiti for some much anticipated vacation! I am looking forward to sitting on the beach and watching the kids snorkel.  And eating fresh pineapple.  Watching the kids collect hermit crabs on the beach, and seeing the stars at night.  Celebrating not only New Years, but also our 14th wedding anniversary in Huahine.  Spending time with my sweet niece Lindsay.  Trying not to scare people with my sadly very white body.  Perhaps it will be a little golden when we get back.  

We also get to spend time with friends in Ca before we come back home.  What a vacation!! : )

Here are a couple of photos from Thanksgiving.  More to come later.  Hope you all are basking in the glow of tiny white lights, fires in fireplaces, hot chocolate with marshmallows and whipped cream and the joy of the birth of our Savior.  

Breaking bread for stuffing....

I love bread.

Sweet girls.

 
Amy and Scott.  Love you guys!!

Taylor.

Taylor??     

I am tired friends! I have lots to tell you guys- lots to put into writing. And one more weekend in Eden. After that, life calms down a bit. Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I know I did! Can't wait to share photos and what has been up soon.

Finding our way through Eden

I know I have mentioned that Sammy and Katie Mei are in a show at the Poteet Theatre.  Opening night is the 20th- and we are in the trenches of nightly (and all day) rehearsals. Since Katie Mei is still young, either Michael or I have stayed at each practice.  And gotten to know the sweet cast of this amazing show.  Not to mention the director.  Who I LOVE.  Jay Prock is amazingly gifted, amazingly wonderful to the entire cast including the kids, humble - and a man who wants this show to touch the hearts of those who come see it.

Because Michael and I have been- we also have been able to help out in small ways, which is fun.  Even Jack has been helping.  But, I have been given way too much power.  Not only do I make sure all the props are set up...but I am running the fog machine.  DUDE.  So much fun.  Especially when the cast gives me the stink eye.  Sorry guys.  And then- Jay decided to give more responsibility to me.  I get to blow up the tree of knowledge.  I am not sure if you heard that.  BLOW IT UP!  ME!  With a button and everything.  Never mind that I totally messed up the timing of it the first time.  Never mind that right next to me is a fire extinguisher that I was told to keep one hand on.  AHHHH!!  Pyrotechnics.  How could they have given this job to me?  Oh gosh.  I hope I can do this one.

And how goes this....

 

You may be wondering? 

It has been 8 days since I have had a Diet Coke.  8 days.  As I write that it kinda makes me giggle a bit.  I NEVER in a million years thought I would ever not drink Diet Coke.  But I am doing it!  

How do I feel?  Eh.  I feel ok.  I am not sure if I have gotten a touch of the flu from my boys- but I have been feeling kinda crummy the past few days.  The headaches are there- but not as intense or often as before.  It kinda hits me later in the afternoon now rather then first thing in the morning.  I don't feel the need to grab a soda first thing in the morning.  I now grab water.  Pretty much all I have been drinking is water.  Sometimes I will pour a fresca or a bubble water- but it is mainly water. I can't say I enjoy the water that much.  But it is growing on me.  And I do feel the desire to have water now. So that is a step forward.

This post feels rambling to me.  I guess I am tired.  We have been going strong for a week or so and I am missing the easy evenings of making dinner for my sweet family, playing games or going on a walk together.  Then bath time and bedtime- and then time with Michael.  I miss those.  I am such a homebody and I need those times together.  I know it will be back to normal soon. I know that we will sit around our dinner table listening to funny stories about school days.  I can't wait.

But, until then, we are walking through the garden of Eden.  

Life is an adventure.

And now, I am living it caffeine free.

Heaven help me.

Day 3

Hello,

My name is Jenny.  And I have not had a diet cokes in over 48 hours. Nary a one. Honestly, I have a really hard time believing that I really am doing this.  Considering it has been 25 years of drinking it.  

It is funny.  I have really been going through a lot of heart searching through this.  I never really considered my drinking Diet Coke to be a problem- or an addiction so to speak.  Yet, I couldn't go through a day without it.  I really had a hard time functioning in the morning with out one.  And then another.  And another.  I think Michael and I estimate that I was drinking at least 64 oz. of diet soda a day.  

I would look for opportunities to get one.  I would search out the best places to get the best diet coke.  I would make my family go to restaurants that served diet coke and would get crabby if all they had was pepsi.  I yearned for it, my body yelled for it.  I was really serving diet coke. 

At church, we have been going through a series on Idols.  And what is an Idol?  What becomes a god for us in our lives.  Challenging thoughts for sure.  I have had many times where money has become an idol for me.  I know that one well.  I have come around a lot on that though, and really felt my heart questioning God if there were any idols in my life at this point.

Proudly I was thinking.... "nope. I think I am alright at this moment"  But then, I started feeling not so great.  I felt sluggish and large and my stomach hurt a lot.  And I couldn't shake this weight that I have gained regardless of how hard I try....and I decided to go see my doc for a full physical and advice on weight loss.  That morning (which was Thursday), Michael hugged and kissed me before he left for work and looked at me and said- "will you do me a favor?  will you ask the doctor about diet coke?"  I sighed and looked at him. He smiled gently at me "I have never said anything to you about this - but I am worried.  I am really concerned that this is not good." I didn't put my normal wall up and take that as an attack on me.  I heard him.  With my heart.  "Ok.  I will ask"  and i meant it.

So, onto the doctor.  And the nurse drew my blood.  And then started talking about why I was there.  And then she said to me "you really need to consider cutting down on caffeine."  And then she gave me a CD that my doc made about healthy eating and his ideas about dieting.  And he too mentioned caffeine and sweeteners.  And that it may be hindering my weight loss as well as affecting my body in not great ways.

And really, I felt convicted.  I knew that God was speaking to my heart.  And I knew it was time to make a change in this area.  So with a prayer, I started down this road.

Since then, and I know it has only been a few days, I really realize that this is not only about my physical body.  It is also about my heart.  The light has been shed on the fact that I have been making diet coke an idol of sorts in my heart.  And I am so so ashamed.  I am in awe of the fact that something so small as soda could have become a forefront thought in my mind.  And I am even more in awe of the sweetness of God to help me with the process of detoxing off the diet coke.  I am in constant prayer that I will honor God through this process- and that this will not only allow my body to be the temple that God desires it to be, but my heart will no longer be holding onto something non eternal.

I know.  I know it seems like a stretch.  But really, it has been on my heart- and I am thankful that I have friends and family who love and support me.  Silly as it may seem, right?  I mean, a diet coke?  A can of soda.  But it represents more.  And I am in need of an entire heart detox.  I am thankful for a God big enough to see me through the little things.  

Day 3, friends.  : )  Didja ever think?

good morning

good morning. Well, I woke up this morning.  That is a good thing. And I felt a dull headache, nothing too bad.  So usually, the first thing I do is grab a diet coke.  I have to be honest.  This was really hard for me.  I really really really wanted one.  I MEAN REALLY.  I actually started feeling angry about the fact that I would not have one.  This is by choice.  I really want to try and go without today.  I think my day yesterday went pretty well- and I thought maybe it would be ok without any today.

So, Katie Mei came up to me (they all know I am doing this) and said "Momma are you ok?"  and I told her I was missing my diet coke.  She smiled at me and said "maybe we should just throw them all away" and I smiled at my girly.  And then I asked if she could get me a bottle of water.  She lit up and ran to get me one.  I opened it.  MMMM.  Water.  Boy is that stuff good.  Can't believe what I was missing. 

So, I decided to stave off the big headache- and took some excedrin.  I then made pumpkin pancakes for my family- and grabbed a yogurt and downed my water.  The kids were watching Arthur and Sammy called to me "Mom- did you drink a diet coke?" and I triumphantly said "nope!" and raised my water.  The three kids cheered.  And Michael kissed my forehead.  And told me he loved me.  It made me feel strong and know that I have the best family behind me.  I have friends who are supporting me.  And though this may not hold a candle to a much worse addiction- it is still an addiction to me.  And it is tough.

I know without a doubt that I am doing the right thing for my body and my heart.  Just wish the withdrawls weren't so tough.

The time has come. *Update....**Another one....

If you know me- even in the smallest way, you know that I have one vice.  One habit that has been with me for years.  Years.  One I have always passed off as "hey, I don't smoke, I don't drink alcohol, I don't gamble.... it really is not all that bad."  Which for many people it may not be.  But I feel as though this vice has been becoming an issue in my life.  

It is time, my friends.  And I have to say, I am really apprehensive about giving this up.  But that apprehension is proving to me more that I really do need to give it up.  Diet Coke.  My sweet little bubbly friend.  I am unsure when my addiction started.  But really, it has gotten to the point that I need to give it up.  I have been wondering if perhaps this is what is holding me back from losing the 20 lbs I have gained. Odd. I thought that it would help if I am drinking something diet.  But, I really feel as though I may be hindering my weight loss and perhaps even causing other health issues.

So.  I am scared out of my mind.  I am so nervous about the side effect that come with giving up the caffeine.  I am going to go about it in a gradual way. The one thing I am not going to do is replace it.  The one thing I will allow a replacement for it is water.  Plain.  No crystal light tea or anything.  I figure that I may just allow that to replace the diet coke- which will just bring us back to square one again.

For now, the game plan is- I will allow myself 1 large soda a day- and then water.  And gradually I will wean myself off the one.  

Big question.  Can I do it?  

I know I can.  I know that this really is not a big issue in the big scheme of life.  But I am feeling in my heart it is a stumbling block - not only for my health, but emotionally and spiritually as well.  Silly.  A soda has become an obsession and a stumbling block.  And perhaps even an escape mechanism.  And how is that different from any other drug?  Hmmm.

I have to tell you I am excited about this challenge. But nervous.  Hopeful.  And perhaps going to feel a lot healthier.  

So, blogland friends.....I plan on journaling on here how it goes.  Pray for me. 

** Alright folks.  1:02 pm central standard time.  So far- 1 diet coke (can), water, water, water and excedrin at 12:00.  I feel alright.  So far.

*** It is now 5:34.  I have only still had the one can of diet coke.  Otherwise I have been drinking water- some with lemon, but straight water.  I did take excedrin, and I feel a tiny dull headache, but I am alright.  I really am so thankful.  Prayers work wonders- and folks, God is indeed good.  More tomorrow.  Maybe it will be a tougher day??

Anyone there? Anyone??

Hello.  My name is Jenny.  I do have a blog.  I miss this space.  Time to reclaim it.

So.  I cannot believe that it is November.  NOVEMBER, people.  I already bought 1 Christmas gift.  For Katie Mei.  I cannot divulge what it is for fear that it will get whispered to her in her sleep. OK, I am gonna bullet things....

My friend, Jen Ludwig has an amazing Christmas CD that just came out!!!  Please go listen and buy it.  She is gifted beyond measure- and has an amazingly beautiful voice.  A voice I love harmonizing with. : )  Jen- awesome girly.  You can buy it on CD Baby.

 

• Jack is playing a mean game of soccer these days- I am in awe of how far that kid can punt a soccer ball.  He loves his team.  His newest desire is to play football next fall for his school.  Does anyone remember the Brady Bunch where Greg played football and cracked his rib? And then ended up taking pictures of his cheer leading girlfriend?  Remember how Carol was so against him playing because he would get hurt?  Yeah.  And then he cracked his rib.  Yeah.  I am Carol Brady.(just have a better haircut)
• Michael is amazing.  Can I just say that a million times?  I am so over the moon in love with my husband, and it just keeps growing.  
• Sammy and Katie are knee deep in Children of Eden. 
  
• I knew nothing of this show before we started it. And every day, I love it more.  The show is going to be phenomenal.  The cast is so wonderful- and the director is awesome.  I am so very excited.  If you want to come see it- let me know.  
• Katie is a porcupine in the show.
• Sam is a turtle.
• I will forgive him for being an evil turtle.
• I am going a little crazy because we have not been able to have dinner at home in forever.  I know it is just a season- but I really have a hard time with not being at home- having dinner and tucking in for the night.  
• Going out to dinner is not helping me make healthy choices all the time.
• Oh well.  It is what it is.
• Sammy told me the other day in the car that he wanted to go to China when he grows up and secretly tell people about Jesus.  God is alive in that boy.  I am honored to be able to love that boy.
• Jack is getting so tall.  When did this happen.
• Katie Mei is into doing her own hair.  God bless her- it looks better then I when I do it most times.  LOL- once again, the right child for the right family. :)
• I miss date nights.
• I really miss my sisters.  
• I am SO excited that one of my sisters and family are coming out here for Thanksgiving.
• I am So sad that my other sister can't.
• Michael bought a bird feeder for outside my window.
• Does that make me old?
• We raked leaves for the first time ever- and the kids got to jump into the leaves.
• None of them had a sucker.
• I am really really glad that Tracey is of the Biggest Loser.
• and I am done.

Come to China

Come to China next September!  God willing, we will be going to Chenzhou- Katie's orphanage with 

Visiting Orphans.  We want family and friends to come with us!!!  Pray about it.... and COME WITH US!!! Can you tell how very excited I am???

James 1:27 

18 years is a long time....and no time at all....

The realization that Michael and I have been dating each other for 18 years hit us the other night. 18 years.  I remember adults when I was younger always saying "time goes by so quickly".  I remember looking at them with my 15 year old angsty self thinking "you are SO wrong. Time is dragging by" So, now, I hit my, well, uh, later 30's and I realize just how right those adults were.

I remember the night I met Michael.  I was 17 years old, and going on a first date with his best friend.  All I remember is that he was very kind.  And cute.

Fast forward to 1991.  And we began dating.  

Fast forward to 1994- and in October  Michael asked me to marry him, and I said yes.

Then we married in 1995....Jack came in 1998, Sam in 2001 and Katie in 2004. 

It feels like forever and just yesterday all in the same breath.  And Michael still takes my breath away every day.  Just last night at dinner, I caught him smiling at me and I started freaking out about corn or green beans all over my teeth...so I said "what?" and he shrugged and said "you still give me butterflies when I look at you....you are beautiful".

How much more could I love this amazing man?

Butterflies after 18 years.  That, my friends, is a gift.