The Markmiller 5

Day 3

Hello,

My name is Jenny.  And I have not had a diet cokes in over 48 hours. Nary a one. Honestly, I have a really hard time believing that I really am doing this.  Considering it has been 25 years of drinking it.  

It is funny.  I have really been going through a lot of heart searching through this.  I never really considered my drinking Diet Coke to be a problem- or an addiction so to speak.  Yet, I couldn't go through a day without it.  I really had a hard time functioning in the morning with out one.  And then another.  And another.  I think Michael and I estimate that I was drinking at least 64 oz. of diet soda a day.  

I would look for opportunities to get one.  I would search out the best places to get the best diet coke.  I would make my family go to restaurants that served diet coke and would get crabby if all they had was pepsi.  I yearned for it, my body yelled for it.  I was really serving diet coke. 

At church, we have been going through a series on Idols.  And what is an Idol?  What becomes a god for us in our lives.  Challenging thoughts for sure.  I have had many times where money has become an idol for me.  I know that one well.  I have come around a lot on that though, and really felt my heart questioning God if there were any idols in my life at this point.

Proudly I was thinking.... "nope. I think I am alright at this moment"  But then, I started feeling not so great.  I felt sluggish and large and my stomach hurt a lot.  And I couldn't shake this weight that I have gained regardless of how hard I try....and I decided to go see my doc for a full physical and advice on weight loss.  That morning (which was Thursday), Michael hugged and kissed me before he left for work and looked at me and said- "will you do me a favor?  will you ask the doctor about diet coke?"  I sighed and looked at him. He smiled gently at me "I have never said anything to you about this - but I am worried.  I am really concerned that this is not good." I didn't put my normal wall up and take that as an attack on me.  I heard him.  With my heart.  "Ok.  I will ask"  and i meant it.

So, onto the doctor.  And the nurse drew my blood.  And then started talking about why I was there.  And then she said to me "you really need to consider cutting down on caffeine."  And then she gave me a CD that my doc made about healthy eating and his ideas about dieting.  And he too mentioned caffeine and sweeteners.  And that it may be hindering my weight loss as well as affecting my body in not great ways.

And really, I felt convicted.  I knew that God was speaking to my heart.  And I knew it was time to make a change in this area.  So with a prayer, I started down this road.

Since then, and I know it has only been a few days, I really realize that this is not only about my physical body.  It is also about my heart.  The light has been shed on the fact that I have been making diet coke an idol of sorts in my heart.  And I am so so ashamed.  I am in awe of the fact that something so small as soda could have become a forefront thought in my mind.  And I am even more in awe of the sweetness of God to help me with the process of detoxing off the diet coke.  I am in constant prayer that I will honor God through this process- and that this will not only allow my body to be the temple that God desires it to be, but my heart will no longer be holding onto something non eternal.

I know.  I know it seems like a stretch.  But really, it has been on my heart- and I am thankful that I have friends and family who love and support me.  Silly as it may seem, right?  I mean, a diet coke?  A can of soda.  But it represents more.  And I am in need of an entire heart detox.  I am thankful for a God big enough to see me through the little things.  

Day 3, friends.  : )  Didja ever think?

good morning

good morning. Well, I woke up this morning.  That is a good thing. And I felt a dull headache, nothing too bad.  So usually, the first thing I do is grab a diet coke.  I have to be honest.  This was really hard for me.  I really really really wanted one.  I MEAN REALLY.  I actually started feeling angry about the fact that I would not have one.  This is by choice.  I really want to try and go without today.  I think my day yesterday went pretty well- and I thought maybe it would be ok without any today.

So, Katie Mei came up to me (they all know I am doing this) and said "Momma are you ok?"  and I told her I was missing my diet coke.  She smiled at me and said "maybe we should just throw them all away" and I smiled at my girly.  And then I asked if she could get me a bottle of water.  She lit up and ran to get me one.  I opened it.  MMMM.  Water.  Boy is that stuff good.  Can't believe what I was missing. 

So, I decided to stave off the big headache- and took some excedrin.  I then made pumpkin pancakes for my family- and grabbed a yogurt and downed my water.  The kids were watching Arthur and Sammy called to me "Mom- did you drink a diet coke?" and I triumphantly said "nope!" and raised my water.  The three kids cheered.  And Michael kissed my forehead.  And told me he loved me.  It made me feel strong and know that I have the best family behind me.  I have friends who are supporting me.  And though this may not hold a candle to a much worse addiction- it is still an addiction to me.  And it is tough.

I know without a doubt that I am doing the right thing for my body and my heart.  Just wish the withdrawls weren't so tough.

The time has come. *Update....**Another one....

If you know me- even in the smallest way, you know that I have one vice.  One habit that has been with me for years.  Years.  One I have always passed off as "hey, I don't smoke, I don't drink alcohol, I don't gamble.... it really is not all that bad."  Which for many people it may not be.  But I feel as though this vice has been becoming an issue in my life.  

It is time, my friends.  And I have to say, I am really apprehensive about giving this up.  But that apprehension is proving to me more that I really do need to give it up.  Diet Coke.  My sweet little bubbly friend.  I am unsure when my addiction started.  But really, it has gotten to the point that I need to give it up.  I have been wondering if perhaps this is what is holding me back from losing the 20 lbs I have gained. Odd. I thought that it would help if I am drinking something diet.  But, I really feel as though I may be hindering my weight loss and perhaps even causing other health issues.

So.  I am scared out of my mind.  I am so nervous about the side effect that come with giving up the caffeine.  I am going to go about it in a gradual way. The one thing I am not going to do is replace it.  The one thing I will allow a replacement for it is water.  Plain.  No crystal light tea or anything.  I figure that I may just allow that to replace the diet coke- which will just bring us back to square one again.

For now, the game plan is- I will allow myself 1 large soda a day- and then water.  And gradually I will wean myself off the one.  

Big question.  Can I do it?  

I know I can.  I know that this really is not a big issue in the big scheme of life.  But I am feeling in my heart it is a stumbling block - not only for my health, but emotionally and spiritually as well.  Silly.  A soda has become an obsession and a stumbling block.  And perhaps even an escape mechanism.  And how is that different from any other drug?  Hmmm.

I have to tell you I am excited about this challenge. But nervous.  Hopeful.  And perhaps going to feel a lot healthier.  

So, blogland friends.....I plan on journaling on here how it goes.  Pray for me. 

** Alright folks.  1:02 pm central standard time.  So far- 1 diet coke (can), water, water, water and excedrin at 12:00.  I feel alright.  So far.

*** It is now 5:34.  I have only still had the one can of diet coke.  Otherwise I have been drinking water- some with lemon, but straight water.  I did take excedrin, and I feel a tiny dull headache, but I am alright.  I really am so thankful.  Prayers work wonders- and folks, God is indeed good.  More tomorrow.  Maybe it will be a tougher day??

Anyone there? Anyone??

Hello.  My name is Jenny.  I do have a blog.  I miss this space.  Time to reclaim it.

So.  I cannot believe that it is November.  NOVEMBER, people.  I already bought 1 Christmas gift.  For Katie Mei.  I cannot divulge what it is for fear that it will get whispered to her in her sleep. OK, I am gonna bullet things....

My friend, Jen Ludwig has an amazing Christmas CD that just came out!!!  Please go listen and buy it.  She is gifted beyond measure- and has an amazingly beautiful voice.  A voice I love harmonizing with. : )  Jen- awesome girly.  You can buy it on CD Baby.

 

• Jack is playing a mean game of soccer these days- I am in awe of how far that kid can punt a soccer ball.  He loves his team.  His newest desire is to play football next fall for his school.  Does anyone remember the Brady Bunch where Greg played football and cracked his rib? And then ended up taking pictures of his cheer leading girlfriend?  Remember how Carol was so against him playing because he would get hurt?  Yeah.  And then he cracked his rib.  Yeah.  I am Carol Brady.(just have a better haircut)
• Michael is amazing.  Can I just say that a million times?  I am so over the moon in love with my husband, and it just keeps growing.  
• Sammy and Katie are knee deep in Children of Eden. 
  
• I knew nothing of this show before we started it. And every day, I love it more.  The show is going to be phenomenal.  The cast is so wonderful- and the director is awesome.  I am so very excited.  If you want to come see it- let me know.  
• Katie is a porcupine in the show.
• Sam is a turtle.
• I will forgive him for being an evil turtle.
• I am going a little crazy because we have not been able to have dinner at home in forever.  I know it is just a season- but I really have a hard time with not being at home- having dinner and tucking in for the night.  
• Going out to dinner is not helping me make healthy choices all the time.
• Oh well.  It is what it is.
• Sammy told me the other day in the car that he wanted to go to China when he grows up and secretly tell people about Jesus.  God is alive in that boy.  I am honored to be able to love that boy.
• Jack is getting so tall.  When did this happen.
• Katie Mei is into doing her own hair.  God bless her- it looks better then I when I do it most times.  LOL- once again, the right child for the right family. :)
• I miss date nights.
• I really miss my sisters.  
• I am SO excited that one of my sisters and family are coming out here for Thanksgiving.
• I am So sad that my other sister can't.
• Michael bought a bird feeder for outside my window.
• Does that make me old?
• We raked leaves for the first time ever- and the kids got to jump into the leaves.
• None of them had a sucker.
• I am really really glad that Tracey is of the Biggest Loser.
• and I am done.

Come to China

Come to China next September!  God willing, we will be going to Chenzhou- Katie's orphanage with 

Visiting Orphans.  We want family and friends to come with us!!!  Pray about it.... and COME WITH US!!! Can you tell how very excited I am???

James 1:27 

18 years is a long time....and no time at all....

The realization that Michael and I have been dating each other for 18 years hit us the other night. 18 years.  I remember adults when I was younger always saying "time goes by so quickly".  I remember looking at them with my 15 year old angsty self thinking "you are SO wrong. Time is dragging by" So, now, I hit my, well, uh, later 30's and I realize just how right those adults were.

I remember the night I met Michael.  I was 17 years old, and going on a first date with his best friend.  All I remember is that he was very kind.  And cute.

Fast forward to 1991.  And we began dating.  

Fast forward to 1994- and in October  Michael asked me to marry him, and I said yes.

Then we married in 1995....Jack came in 1998, Sam in 2001 and Katie in 2004. 

It feels like forever and just yesterday all in the same breath.  And Michael still takes my breath away every day.  Just last night at dinner, I caught him smiling at me and I started freaking out about corn or green beans all over my teeth...so I said "what?" and he shrugged and said "you still give me butterflies when I look at you....you are beautiful".

How much more could I love this amazing man?

Butterflies after 18 years.  That, my friends, is a gift.

Why?

Why do I have such odd obsessions/things that bother me?

Here is a list of things that are odd about me. I know there are many.  And I know, as my friends, you probably know many more.  

1. I have an odd fear of small things bunched together.  Seeds.  Clusters of things.  A bee hive.  Ew.  I get the heebie jeebies thinking about that.

2.I love talk radio.

3. I switch shampoo too often.  I get tired of the smell and have to have a few different ones to choose from.  

4. It drives me a bit crazy when Kate asks me how to spell long sentences.  While driving.  An example, while I was driving during our recent rain storm- "Momma, how do you spell 'I am living in Oklahoma but I was born in China and I have a dog named Fenway."

5. I drink diet coke, diet dr. pepper or water (YES, it is true, I ingest water) all day.

6. When I see a pimple, I have to pick at it.

7. I can't stand the smell of dirty clothes.  When I was teaching and kids would wear dirty, stinky jeans, I would get all grossed out.

8. When I fold laundry I use a vat of lotion.

9.  I hate puting laundry away.

10. Dishes left in the sink make me crabby.

11.  I get to mad when my kids put clean laundry in the laundry room.  SO mad.

12. but, I did the same thing when I was little.

13. I detest dry skin.

14. I am probably boring you all.

15.  I hate bothering people.

16.  I am sorry for going on so long.

17.  I hope you will all forgive me.

18. I am going now.

19. goodbye.

You could be a part time model....

Happy Birthday Jack!

11 years ago, I was in a hospital, in labor, nervously awaiting the arrival of our firstborn.  We didn't know if the baby was a boy or a girl.  I felt in my heart, I had a son coming.  Michael and I held onto each others hands as we took part in the process of helping God bring our first son into the world.  The minute he was born, I was in love.  Jack Thomas, you are a joy.  I am so thankful that you are our son.  We could not be more proud.  We could not be!  You are a gift to our family.  We love you.  Can't wait to watch you grow more and more- and become a young man who loves with his whole heart. Keep following Jesus.  We love you.

A bit disturbed.

So.  Last night, we were at our FLOCK (small group).  Awesome fellowship, teaching, and sweet sweet worship.  Not to mention some great food!  I was bein' all single momish- Michael had to be away for some work things- and enjoying a few minutes laughing with friends.  And the door flew open and about (and this is no exaggeration)  about 7 kids ran in "Mrs. Markmiller- Jack caught a snake! Jack caught a snake!!"  Uh.  Ok?  SO I go outside- and with a HUGE smile on his face he is walking toward me with a clear plastic cup, a paper plate and a black snake.  With fangs.  And I find out that the snake had been lured toward my sweet son by a piece of a cupcake he had in his MOUTH.  What???  WHAT?

So they all crowd around Jack all 45 of the kids in our FLOCK, looking at this creature and patting Jack on his back.  Then I hear shouts of glee and they run up- "we picked out a name for it!  CUPCAKE!"  Yeah.  Because Jack had a cupcake in his mouth.  And they all think we need to take it home.  Yeah.  Not so much.  So some of the dad's helped Jack let it go in the woods.  Not before the little sweet Cupcake sunk his fangs into Jack's finger.  Thankfully, after examining the snake, we knew it was not poisonous.  Sheesh.

We then head home.  Kids showered all smelling yummy.  Sleepy and ready for bed.  I needed to take the trash out due to a purchase of one of those new fanlged Febreeze lantern looking things.  They are supposed to smell good right? Not so right.  I got home from FLOCK smelled it the minute I opened the door and got crabby.  So into the trash it went.  Then I had to throw something else away and had to smell it. I had to take the trash out right then.  So, got on my trusty slippers and started out the back door. DO YOU KNOW WHAT WAS THERE?  That's right.  Candy gram frog.  There he was.  On my back doorstep.  All ready to walk in- make himself a ham sandwich.  And well, just looking at me.  Staring really.  

Have you ever had a frog stare at you?  It is really not a nice experience.  Then I screamed.  Um, I mean shouted in joy to see my friend at my doorstep again.  My snake hunter came to find out why his mom was shouting joyfully "AAAAAH, go away"  I mean, uh "how good to see you kind sir, come in and let me make you a ham sandwich".

My son saved the day by taking the frog into his rightful home back in the lovely wet grass of our backyard. And in turn, I stopped crying and kissed my son.

And then I snuggled them all in bed.  And went to sleep. 

And had a nightmare.

Of a Giant Frog eating snake- doing a soft shoe routine to "The Girl from Ipanema" 

I am truly disturbed.